Friday, February 18, 2011

Nature by Ralph Waldo Emerson


To go into solitude, a man needs to retire as much from his chamber as from society. I am not solitary whilst I read and write, though nobody is with me. But if a man would be alone, let him look at the stars. The rays that come from those heavenly worlds, will separate between him and what he touches. One might think the atmosphere was made transparent with this design, to give man, in the heavenly bodies, the perpetual presence of the sublime. Seen in the streets of cities, how great they are! If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore; and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown! But every night come out these envoys of beauty, and light the universe with their admonishing smile.
The stars awaken a certain reverence, because though always present, they are inaccessible; but all natural objects make a kindred impression, when the mind is open to their influence. Nature never wears a mean appearance. Neither does the wisest man extort her secret, and lose his curiosity by finding out all her perfection. Nature never became a toy to a wise spirit. The flowers, the animals, the mountains, reflected the wisdom of his best hour, as much as they had delighted the simplicity of his childhood.
When we speak of nature in this manner, we have a distinct but most poetical sense in the mind. We mean the integrity of impression made by manifold natural objects. It is this which distinguishes the stick of timber of the wood-cutter, from the tree of the poet. The charming landscape which I saw this morning, is indubitably made up of some twenty or thirty farms. Miller owns this field, Locke that, and Manning the woodland beyond. But none of them owns the landscape. There is a property in the horizon which no man has but he whose eye can integrate all the parts, that is, the poet. This is the best part of these men's farms, yet to this their warranty-deeds give no title.
To speak truly, few adult persons can see nature. Most persons do not see the sun. At least they have a very superficial seeing. The sun illuminates only the eye of the man, but shines into the eye and the heart of the child. The lover of nature is he whose inward and outward senses are still truly adjusted to each other; who has retained the spirit of infancy even into the era of manhood. His intercourse with heaven and earth, becomes part of his daily food. In the presence of nature, a wild delight runs through the man, in spite of real sorrows. Nature says, -- he is my creature, and maugre all his impertinent griefs, he shall be glad with me. Not the sun or the summer alone, but every hour and season yields its tribute of delight; for every hour and change corresponds to and authorizes a different state of the mind, from breathless noon to grimmest midnight. Nature is a setting that fits equally well a comic or a mourning piece. In good health, the air is a cordial of incredible virtue. Crossing a bare common, in snow puddles, at twilight, under a clouded sky, without having in my thoughts any occurrence of special good fortune, I have enjoyed a perfect exhilaration. I am glad to the brink of fear. In the woods too, a man casts off his years, as the snake his slough, and at what period soever of life, is always a child. In the woods, is perpetual youth. Within these plantations of God, a decorum and sanctity reign, a perennial festival is dressed, and the guest sees not how he should tire of them in a thousand years. In the woods, we return to reason and faith. There I feel that nothing can befall me in life, -- no disgrace, no calamity, (leaving me my eyes,) which nature cannot repair. Standing on the bare ground, -- my head bathed by the blithe air, and uplifted into infinite space, -- all mean egotism vanishes. I become a transparent eye-ball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or particle of God. The name of the nearest friend sounds then foreign and accidental: to be brothers, to be acquaintances, -- master or servant, is then a trifle and a disturbance. I am the lover of uncontained and immortal beauty. In the wilderness, I find something more dear and connate than in streets or villages. In the tranquil landscape, and especially in the distant line of the horizon, man beholds somewhat as beautiful as his own nature.
The greatest delight which the fields and woods minister, is the suggestion of an occult relation between man and the vegetable. I am not alone and unacknowledged. They nod to me, and I to them. The waving of the boughs in the storm, is new to me and old. It takes me by surprise, and yet is not unknown. Its effect is like that of a higher thought or a better emotion coming over me, when I deemed I was thinking justly or doing right.
Yet it is certain that the power to produce this delight, does not reside in nature, but in man, or in a harmony of both. It is necessary to use these pleasures with great temperance. For, nature is not always tricked in holiday attire, but the same scene which yesterday breathed perfume and glittered as for the frolic of the nymphs, is overspread with melancholy today. Nature always wears the colors of the spirit. To a man laboring under calamity, the heat of his own fire hath sadness in it. Then, there is a kind of contempt of the landscape felt by him who has just lost by death a dear friend. The sky is less grand as it shuts down over less worth in the population.

Bottom Of the Barrel

What is at the bottom of the barrel? I'm not sure that I have been there, but I know I've been close. I have smelled the brimstone neath my claws. I don't know what lies below that, and I don't want to. Every father wishes that his children forgo the mistakes he has made. I'm no different. If I had a magic wand, I would surely wave it now over all of them. I don't have a magic wand. All I have are my words, my experience, my story to tell. I am lucky to have lived to tell it. I will be even more lucky if it is heard.

Once upon a time your Pappy was another man, much different than the one you have known. You would not like him very much. He was a fighter, an abuser of women, a drug fiend. He went down all the wrong roads and thought he was having so much fun. If I am dead when you read this, it is what I deserve. I have taken all the steps necessary to hasten that inevitable day. I only hope that you can learn about the "bottom of the barrel" from me instead of going there for yourself.

In this short post, I want to talk to you about the drugs. They feel great, and they take your life from you. My drug of choice was cocaine in it's powdered form. There was a time in my life when money was no object, and I used it to purchase piles and piles of cocaine. I spent $3,000 - $5,000 every month on this drug for three years. You need to put that into perspective with your time. This was the 1990's. I didn't care about the money. I didn't care about anything but doing cocaine. It ruled my life, and it took me to the depths of despair.

After three years, I kicked the habit all by myself. I thought I had gotten off light, but the physical effects caught up to me. Afterwards I have experienced chronic depression, of which I have no control. My immune system has been altered and resulted in rheumatoid arthritis. My nervous system has been altered and left me with "ticks" that will not go away. My psychology has been weakened and left me with paranoid delusions. I did not get away with anything.

Where is the bottom of the barrel? I do not know. I am still digging, but I do know that if my children were to follow me here, it would be more than I could bear. If I can leave anything behind that would make this journey worthwhile, it would be the impact of my experience from which my children would learn. Keep your bodies whole. Respect what the great spirit has given you. Do not abuse your mind, your heart, your lungs, your spirit. I love you all with everything I am and wish nothing more than for you to never see the bottom of the barrel.

With All My Love,
Pappy

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

God Is Not Good

When I make comments like this, they should not be taken to mean God literally, but God as described in the Christian / Hebrew Bible. I do not believe that the source of all life on earth and the universe is anything like the personal deity depicted in Jewish, Christian, and Muslim mythology.

I felt I should clear that up before proceeding to the video, which coincidentally is a pretty awesome clip from the BBC movie, God on Trial: The Verdict, directed by Andy DeEmmony - well worth the watching. I hope you take something from this clip worth thinking about. After all, my entire goal is to instigate thought. The answers to all our questions have already been answered if we will only allow ourselves to think freely.

With All My Love,
Pappy

My Friend the Bluebird

Since I was a very young, no more than 8 or 10-years-old, I've had a little friend who has followed me through life. I call him Blusey the bluebird. Each of us inherit something special from the source of life from which we come. My "something special" has been an oft' faithful companion, Bluesy.

When Blusey was young, he knew no songs. He hadn't the gift of music in any way, so I have taught him, over the years, a few of my own. Now on the days when the bluebird comes and lights on my shoulder, I insist that he leave something behind to remind me of his visit. Something more than tears and a troubled mind.

Now that my friend has learned to sing, his trips are lighter, brighter, and bring truth my way - a learning in the music of the soul. The heart's cry tells no lies. What I have learned of myself and others could have only been found in Blusey's songs, as sleep escaped us through the years, and as we've sang together all night long.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Be Happy


Her name is Katie Kirkpatrick. She is 21 years old. Next to her, is her 
fiancĂ©, Nick. He's 23 and a deputy sheriff in Lapeer County, MI. 
This photo was taken prior to their wedding on January 
11th, 2005. Katie has terminal cancer and spends 
hours in chemotherapy. Here Nick awaits 
while she finishes one of the sessions. 


Through the pain of her organs shutting down, with the help of 
morphine, Katie took care of every single part of the wedding
planning. Her dress had to be adjusted several times,
due to constant weight loss.


Katie had to use oxygen during the ceremony and reception. The other 
couple in this photo is Nick's parents. They were very emotional 
at the wedding to see their son marrying the girl he 
fell in love with in high school. 


Katie , in a wheel chair listening to her husband and friends singing to her


In the middle of the party, Katie had to rest for a bit and catch her breath.
The pain does not allow her to stand for long period of time.


Katie died 5 days after her wedding. To see this fragile woman 
dressed as a bride with a beautiful smile, makes me think;
Happiness is always there, within our reach, however
long or fleeting a moment it may last.
Enjoy the simple pleasures.
Love one another.
Life is too short.
~
Work as if it were your first day.  
Forgive as soon as possible.  
Love with no limits.  
Laugh out loud.
Play in the dirt. 

Friday, October 1, 2010

The Right to Think

Have you ever been curious about where our beliefs come from - really come from? I have dissected the question over the years - always arriving at the same crystal conclusion - most of our beliefs are inheritances. They are passed from one generation to the next, like my Grandfather's uniquely tattooed twenty-five pound Bible - of the giant print variety, or in my case, his still functioning Sears & Roebuck 12 gauge shotgun. That old gun lives in my personal closet among other multifarious relics from the past, whose ghostly remains are now precious to me. I love that worn-out chunk of southern hardwood and rusting metal. Handling it often brings tears to my eyes, as I travel the years, in an instant, to the days when Grandpa would invite me to plod along behind him, through grasses, towering over my head, on the occasional rabbit hunt. These memories are filed away, with many like them, as splotchy old movie clips of more innocent years - cherished more now than then.

Much like Grandpa's shotgun, I also remember his faith. I have no desire to forget. If I listen closely, I can faintly hear an earnest baritone crying out to the God of his inheritance. Grandpa could vibrate the whole house in a strangely gentle way, as he pled with the almighty for protection of each family member - by name - then always, the President of the United States. I distinctly remember kneeling across the room from him - hair standing on the back of my neck and arms, in wonderment of his absolute relation with God. It often felt like Grandpa was God! I loved him then, and will cherish his memory for the rest of my life. From what I've learned of him over time, he was a stern conservative man, tamed finally by old-age and tenderness of heart. I got the better of his life it seems.

Today I write, from a liberated mind, these recollections of life as a youngster growing up inside the confines of a microcosmic system of religious belief - alien to much of the greater civilization that lay beyond my reach. It became my inheritance, and in the years that followed, I would digest it all, grow into its fullest capacity, and ultimately reject it through bitter tears. I have long espoused the notion that children have rights, which are just as valid as those of their parents - in some cases more so. Still today I rage against the scars of my heart - left there by the loss of all I knew, years of fear and the lonely journey into an even more frightful unknown, by the sweaty dreams who stole into my bed on many lonely nights, and the oft felt throb of an amputated soul. Christianity was my inheritance - not my choice.

I am human, as are you -
as are your children 
and their children too. 

Please don't rob them 
of their right to choose 
what they will think -
what they will do.

Along this life's cheery path,
we'll all meet God -
bask in his love
and not his wrath.

Think Before You Believe,
Pappy